Welcome To The Bullpen
Trouble in Two Guns
By Michael D. Griffiths
The morning dawned as bright as it was cold. A lurch brought me to full consciousness, as the train continued to cross the high desert prairie of northern Arizona. The constant rattle of the wheels made me wonder how I had been able to get to sleep at all. To me they sounded like steel dentures rolling around in a rusty can. I suffered a moment of panic, when I looked over to see that my new bride Hannah was no longer in the seat next to me.
Leaning forward, my eyes scanned the train, but no sign of her could be seen. Instead my gaze moved to the seats which held my sister Merry and her growing family. Neither she nor her stubborn husband Hal was awake. Her youngest child Bo, still a babe, lay asleep nestled in her arms. Only five-year-old Timmy was awake. He had large round eyes and always looked like a cat that had discovered a hundred foot mouse. “Have you seen your aunt Hanny?”
He pointed to the pot room and my breath came easier when I saw that she was already emerging. Hannah was the type of woman that a man felt he had the need to watch over. A full six years shy of my twenty-five, she was a trim well featured beauty. Long yellow trusses flowed over her shoulders like a waterfall of gold. She favored me with a smile that made me feel like a lucky man despite the potential foolishness of our journey.
Sitting with a natural grace, I received a wordless kiss while she straitened her skirts. Turning, her eyes met mine and she was about to speak when one of the railway employees slammed open the door. His neat uniform contrasted with his week of graying stubble. He had the look of a man about to perform an unpleasant task.
“Next stop Two Guns. Last stop on the line. Everyone off.” We were not the only ones shocked by the news; the whole passenger car erupted in questions and cries of alarm. The conductor was quick to answer the most pressing issue. “Listen, listen, I’m sorry but there’s nothin I can do. The bridge over Diablo Canyon was due to be repaired ere now, but apparently she ain’t, so this is as far as any o’ you’ll be goin.”
Hal had already shot to his feet, but the man was gone. The train lurched again, causing many to loose their footing. A box of chickens hit the floor and burst open adding to the general chaos. Some people were even screaming now, like we were heading into the apocalypse. “We’re slowing down,” I said, but I doubt anyone could hear me.
Hal ignored my words. “They can’t do this. I paid for passage for all of us all the way to California.” His face was redder than Santa’s belly and I wondered if some blood vessel was about to go.
“But if this is as far as the tracks go...” I began.
“How could they not know how far the tracks go?” Merry asked.
“They said something about a bridge.” Hannah offered, but they might not even have heard her. The general din was growing quiet loud.
The train lurched again and the squeal of brakes could now be heard. Only a well-placed hand prevented me from falling. “I’ll tell you one thing,” Hal tried to shout over the others. “If we are not making it all the way to California, I want a rebate on all the tickets I paid my hard earned money for.”
Chaos ruled the train for the next hour, but yes unless we wanted to head back to Amarillo with the train crew, we were getting off at Two Guns Arizona. Hal had not been the only one who tried to demand payment from the conductors. They were told quite bluntly to take it up with the company and not the poor saps that worked for them.
The train was already leaving before we had crossed the muddy field that led to the most dangerous bridge I had ever set my eyes upon. Made from little more than pallet wood and a few stripped logs. It did not look like it could have supported a house cat. Even as I watched a strong winter wind detached a plank and sent it falling onto the sharp rocks below. If it had not been for all the people that I saw cross it successfully before I, I might have suggested that we travel through the canyon to obtain our dubious goal.
Two Guns was a miserable place. Buildings made from dry unpainted boards leaned at all angles threatening to return to the thick mud which paved the dismal town. Young Timmy suffered the worse when a loose foot sent him tumbling face first into the thick layers of mud and perhaps things fouler. He came up with more places dirty than clean.
“Hannah mind Timmy.” Hal ordered. We shared a look. Hannah was already overloaded with three shoulders bags, two of which were my sister’s.
Nevertheless Hannah reached down and helped Timmy back onto his feet. “Why do you let him talk to me like that?”
Changing the grip on of travel trunk, I said. “I’m sorry, but it will be all over soon. Once we make it to California our debt to Hal is paid.”
Sometimes Hannah was wiser that her age. “He paid for the train ride. The train ride is over. I think-“
Hal interrupted. “I’m going to see about some rooms in the hotel for us.”
I only nodded and then whispered quickly, for I saw my sister approaching. “Hannah, Please they will always be family. It is the ride that has us tense. Things will be better soon.”
So far I had been proven incorrect, for a red faced Hal emerged stomping his way towards us. “We were too late. All the rooms are taken.” My sister sighed deeply, so Hal hurried on. “They did say that the salon had rooms, but I do not want to take my family into-“
“Or what we sleep on the streets?”
We headed towards the saloon.
Hal made my sister wait outside with the children, which meant Hannah needed to wait outside too.
Once inside, Hal hurried to the bar. Perhaps our luck had changed. There was a large room available. We would all have to share, but after sleeping on a train for a week even that would seem luxurious.
Casting a nervous glance over his shoulder, Hal ordered a bottle of rutgut. He opened the cork, took a quick pull, and then turned towards me. “This can be our little secret okay.”
“As long as I get a few pulls,” I said then took one from the offered bottle. I was handing it back when a tall wide shouldered man dressed in dirty browns casually walked by and took the bottle with him as he went.
Shooting to his feet Hal shouted at the man. “What is the meaning of this?”
“No real meaning. I’m thirsty and figured you would not mind.” The man was build like a wagon and about as big. A full beard, that could have kept little Bo warm all winter, circled the lower half of his face. I counted at least two guns on him.
“Well I do mind.”
“Then the next question is, are you going to do something about it?”
“Maybe I’ll just tell the sheriff.” That brought forth roars of laughter from the patrons who were watching them now.
A toothless old drunk laughed the loudest. “Sonny, Two Guns don’t got no sheriff. The first one we hired did not last a day.”
The man mountain was glaring at us. “You better jus leave Conway alone,” the bartender was saying. “I’ll give you each one more on the house.”
My neck ached and I gave it a rub as I waited for our free drink. Hal was so angry he did not even seem to be able to talk. That was when the strangest man I had ever met saddled up on the bar stool next to me.
He was wearing more red than the devil and most of it seemed to be cut into unique diamond patterns. His thin goatee did little to dispel his already rakish looks and I found myself wondering how this day could become more odd. Soon I had my answer, the man would start speaking.
“Hello there my good men. I could not help overhear your misfortune. Yes, Two Guns is a bit of a rough spot, I would have do say.” Extending his hand, “oh, but I am being rude. I’m Jack, but everyone calls me the Jack of Diamonds.”
Despite some lingering reluctance, I shook his offered hand. “I’m just David.” This here is my brother-in-law Hal.” Hal just grunted never taking his eyes off of Conway. I knew Hal had a firearm and I was hoping he was not going to try anything that would get us killed.
“Well just David, it is nice to meet you. Seems like more of you are rolling in each day.”
“Well, with the bridge out I suppose that is bound to happen.”
“Yeah, when is the bridge going to be repaired?” Hal asked.
Jack coughed. “Repaired sir? I’m afraid it has yet to be built. But with enough money a coach can be hired to take you to anyplace this side of the Rockies. I was just hoping to turn some things around for myself by starting up a poker game. Perhaps we can gather some sheep and fleece then together. What do you say?”
We were saved from having to answer by the shrill yell of my sister. As one, Hal and I rushed outside. It was Conway again. He and his posse had surrounded our wives and if it were not for the children they each held I could only have guessed at what could have happened. Although Merry had screamed, it appeared to be my Hannah who was receiving the majority of the evil leers.
“Get away from our wives,” Hal demanded.
“Again I am wondering how you are going to make me,” Conway said.
We were outnumbered six to two and I was not even armed. Hal was just about to draw anyway when Jack of Diamonds appeared and put a restraining hand on his arm. “Not now. Not here in front of these women and children. Why not do it the honorable way and meet at high noon on Main Street?”
Conway looked taken aback, but was still the first to answer. “Suits me fine. What do you say Yankee. Will you meet me at high noon or are you yellow?”
“I’ll fight you, just stay away from my wife.”
“Oh I will at least until after high noon.” This brought forth a rowdy laughter and soon the filthy men were showing us their backs.
“We must flee at once,” my sister lamented. “Anyway we can.”
Stepping forward Jack said, “That might not be necessary. I am tinkerer of sorts, a Jack-of-all-trades if you will. I might have a device that will keep you free from harm and let you cut down Conway at will.”
I asked, “How is that possible.”
While at the same instance, Hal asked, “How much is it going to cost?”
* * *
It was little more than a barn really, but it was a barn that had not held animals for quite some time. Instead, the room held more tables than a county picnic. Most of them were covered with stained glass jars, metal tools, and other items that I could not bring name to. More tables held vises, hammers, and odd chunks of different types of metals.
Speaking for all of us, Merry gasped, “oh my.”
“Jumpin G, what is all this stuff,” I said moving forward.
Jack interposed himself between my advancing body and his tables. “You’re more eager than a starving dog in a room full of steaks.” When I tried to peer over his shoulder, he placed restraining hands on my chest. “This equipment is very sensitive and…” Just then both of our eyes wandered over to where little Timmy had begun to pick up a glass bowl full of some type of large clear marbles.
“Oh dear,” Jack began. “Those are very expensive little boy.” Timmy clutched the bowl to his chest with trembling fingers.
Everyone was shouting five different things, but it was Hannah who moved forward and crouched down. “Timmy, hand me the bowl,” her sweet voice said. Timmy reached towards her just as the bowl slipped from her fingers. Hannah lurched forward and caught the bowl and the expense of toppling into the dust. For a moment the scene was obscured, but when the disturbed dust settled. We saw that Hannah had saved the bowl.
“Ah, I commend you for you effort,” Jack said taking the bowl, before he would allow me to help my wife to her feet. After a few more pleasantries and showing off his ‘marvelous’ equipment, Hal demanded that Jack cut to the chase.
“Step this way,” he said with a flourish. “Have you heard of the Frenchman Mesmer and his experiments with the mysterious powers of magnetism and electricity?” Mostly we were just watching him with our jaws slightly open. “I have taken his experiments and have combined new types electricity and magnetism in ways even Mesmer never imagined.”
Stopping before a large slab of some unknown metal, he stopped. “That looks boring,” Timmy began but was shushed by my sister.
“Let me assure you it is not. In fact Mr. Clements, do you have a firearm?” Hal nodded. “I want you to shoot at me. I assure you it is completely safe.”
We were all aghast, but Jack kept insisting. Hal drew the pistol and Jack’s eyes grew large. “Wait oh please, wait my good man. I must start the apparatus first.” I won’t bore you with the details, but it took him a few minutes to get the thing going. Whatever it was.
“Okay shoot me.”
“What, are you sure?”
Moving past the large chuck on metal, he said. “I assure you it is safe. Shoot me.” He added with a smile, “If you can.”
Hal must have had something I didn’t, for he raised his gun and fired. There was a loud bang and then a ringing twang. I figured Jack would be dead, but he just stood there smiling. As one, we all rushed over to the large chuck of metal and there was the bullet sticking to it like it had been glued there.
“Geepers mister,” I said for everyone. “This might just work.”
* * *
All the next morning we worked as a team setting up Jack’s machine. He was friends with the local barber, and since Jack had the neatest trim I had ever seen, it was not hard to guess why.
It was a lengthy process, but when we were finally done, Jack turned to Hal. “Now listen, this will be how it goes. You let him shoot at you and keep shooting until he has emptied his side arm. Then I will shut the machine down and you can have at it.”
Only nodding Hal looked out onto the street. His face was pale, but it was hard to guess whether this was due to the fear that our plan might not work or that he could very well be about to kill someone.
“Noon’s approachin” Hannah said, not that we needed to be reminded.
Turning to her, I said, “You are going to have to stay here and help Merry with the kids. You ain’t gonna wanna see this anyway.”
She started to argue, but then her mouth snapped shut. “Please be careful.” I got a kiss while my sister murmured similar words into Hal’s ear. Soon we could put it off no longer and headed outside.
Sunlight mixed with dust, but everything smelled like the back end of a hundred dirty horses. No matter how things went, I knew I wanted to get out of Two Guns as quickly as possible.
Conway and his prairie trash eyed us from the other end of the street. “So you decided to show,” he laughed. All the horseless cowboys joined in.
“I’m ready, are you, you big ugly son of a dog?”
“Maybe I’ll just rip you apart with my hands.” This made Hal grow paler. Jack would not be able to stop that.
“No, let’s do this right,” I said moving into the center between the two groups taking care to remain on the opposite side of the street from Jack’s Mesmer Metal.
Removing my hat, I said. “Now git ready. When I drop my hat, start shooting.”
Sweat broke out on my brow and I could tell Hal was terrified. I imagined that standing there without being able to pull the trigger would be hard for anyone.
But the wait was twisting me, so I let the hat go. They both drew, but Conway was the only one to fire. Bang twang. Bang twang. Bang twang.
“What in the blazes,” was the only thing Conway said which I could repeat in civilized circles. He fired off three more shots, all with similar results. Smiling now, Hal slowly raised his old revolver. “Seems like someone can’t hit the side of a barn with shotgun,” he laughed.
Conway balked, looking scared for the first time. Hal aimed and fired. Bang twang. Bang twang. Bang twang. “What the hey?” he said under his breath then glared at the barbershop. Like Conway, he did not stop firing until his gun emptied.
Now Hal looked as uncertain as I felt.
“Something’s wrong here,” Conway managed to figure out with only about twelve people coaching him.
“Go git him,” they started to yell, but I was noticing something else. I was hearing the sounds of breaking glass. I looked back towards the barbershop and saw that the windows were breaking apart. Even as I watched, a rusty horseshoe flew through a dirty pane shattering it completely. Of the women or Jack there was no sign.
My attention was forced to return to Hal, as Conway rushed him. He had a firearm in each hand and looked like he was about to pistol whip my brother in law, when suddenly he stopped. He hung in the air for and moment then began to tumble towards the barbershop. Hal’s pistol quickly followed him. My prize pocket watch was next. The Mesmer Metal was drawing all the metal in town towards it. Soon most of the ruffians were being dragged towards it by their knifes, bullets, and guns.
“Come on Hal, we have to go!”
I would think that I would not have to tell him twice, but he was just standing there. “I can’t move.”
Rushing to his aid, I helped him remove his hostler and it went tearing through our fingers. All around us the town was being torn apart as nails were torn from buildings and all matter of debris filled the air.
Instinct took over and we ran for our lives. That was when we heard a shrill whistle. It was Hannah. She, Merry, and the kids were dangling out of the back of a quite colorful wagon. There was a legend on the side mentioning some type of healing elixir. Then I saw that Jack was on the seat and already had two horses all set to go.
“It seems like my device worked a little too well. I could not turn it off. Your ladies and I fled at once when the Mesmer Metal would not shut down. We have most of your things, but I think we need to make haste.”
Looking back at the disintegrating town and hearing the screams echoing behind us did not make me inclined to argue. Hal climbed in back, but for the sake of speed I climbed up into the drivers seat with Jack.
Flashing me a smile, he said, “I hear Flagstaff is nice.” He shook the reins and the horses were more than happy to leave the destruction behind. I was still too shocked to speak, but the scene had not put a damper of Jack. “Well, when you think about it, we made Two Guns safer than any sheriff could. No one has as much as a bullet to use on each other. Even knives are gone, so unless they use pointed sticks things should be safer than ever. Fist to cuffs was always a more honorable means to settle disputes in my eyes, less permanent.”
“They will have to change the name of the town though. Perhaps No Guns would do nicely. I’ll have to send them a note when we reach Flagstaff.”
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