Welcome To The Bullpen
Cowboy Billy meets the Terrible Turkey of Taos
Dave Cox
Folks you can finally get rid of those Mastiffs, Pit Bulls, Dobermans, and German Sheppards. Besides costing a fortune to feed and doctor I’m almost afraid to bring up the baths and poop in the yard and God forbid in the house.
There is actually a better animal to protect the old homestead. A critter so mean, so vile he makes my liver quiver just to tell the story. I’m talking about the most fearsome creature to strut in the barnyard, the domesticated tom turkey. Combine his natural instincts to protect his roost with his need to protect his feed source, (you), and now you’ve got a vicious, fine tuned, well honed attack machine at your disposal. He eats little, poops small, and never needs a bath.
After Cowboy Billy left the wilds of Wyoming, (from our first encounter with the now legendary cowboy, whom forever after, in and around Cody will be known as Red), he ventured to the Land of Enchantment, New Mexico, where once again he ran into the very prejudice he had seen in Wyoming. They actually wanted you to know something about cattle to be a cowboy.
He now at least had some experience so he was able to convince a local ranch foreman in Taos to give him a job moving cattle between the mountains around Angel Fire to be put on trucks for the main ranch in Ojo and then when the seasons changed you got to do the same thing again in reverse order. The foreman was the honcho for one of the bigger cow outfits in Ojo. Billy began to learn what to look for as far as a cow being sick as well as doing general ranch work like putting out salt blocks, fencin’, etc. He was also learning how to gentle break horses. The foreman was a patient, gentle soul and knew Billy wasn’t the sharpest crayon in the box but he could learn and that was the important part.
Billy liked his work and he began to make a few friends in the area. One of his friends was an old Indian named George that had two old dogs he loved more than anything. They had been his constant companions for years especially after his wife died and as all the long, lonely winters came and went he always had the dogs, Sage and Cedar. As time passed Sage and Cedar like all of us got old and died. George couldn’t think of replacing them so somehow he got the bright idea to get himself a tom turkey. George himself wasn’t good at names so he let one of the local kids name him so, he was named TD. I know what you’re probably thinking that TD probably stands for touchdown but actually it stood for Turkey Dinner. This kiddo had a bit of the wise apple in him and he never told George the truth about the name but all the locals called him Turkey Dinner and after his personality began to emerge they would say it with a certain glint in their eye. You got the feeling he might just show up on somebody’s Thanksgiving dinner table.
It turned out that this turkey became more loyal than any dog ever was. Old George would hold him in his lap and smooth his feathers and feed him by hand just like a dog. It was said he even slept with old George.
George had a small fence that went all the way around his house just a few feet from the walls with only one gate by the front door. This is where TD strutted and preened and called his domain and it was his kingdom or turkeydom. If George had let him out he patrolled that fence like a concentration camp guard except he was meaner. God help any man or beast that opened that gate when he was in the yard. If he was inside at least George could keep him in his lap and keep him from attacking you.
Well I’ll give you one guess who walked in the yard this one bright sunshiny day. It was our hero Billy. He was looking for some lost cattle near that part of the woods and he thought he would stop and ask if old George had seen any stray cows walking around. Bad mistake.
The gate was closed so Billy opened it and from around the corner came what looked like a small scale, white F14 Tomcat jet fighter with its wings swept back in full attack mode. It was just a blur in the corner of his eye and then it was on him, like stink on cow dung.
The best version of the story comes from Billy himself as he was lying on his side in his bed at the hospital.
“ I was just about to the door and I saw this white blur out of the corner of my eye and the next thing I know I feel pressure behind my knee and then Wham! Bam! the world just turned upside down. All of a sudden my feet were where my head used to be and my head was on the ground. I noticed the clouds looked like it might rain. I wound up on my stomach with my head turned sideways; then I saw the weirdest thing I ever saw. Did you all see the movie, “Karate Kid”? There was this white turkey over me and I swear it looked like it was just hanging there in midair and it had both wings up and its’ feet looking like eagle claws. I don’t know why I thought what I did but it reminded me of the Karate Kid when he was on that fence post by the ocean, you know just like at the end of the movie when he beat up the mean kid. That’s when the pain and the real fight began.”
“He came down on my back spurs first and dug them deep. I hollered and he only dug deeper. I tried to swat at him and he only dug deeper and deeper. I even got up and tried to knock him off with the wall of the house but he would just change positions and dig them spurs in and he was even beginning to use them spurs like little knives and cut and slash. He even started pecking at my neck. By this time blood is running down into my pants so I tried to squash him against the house and he climbed over my shoulder and stuck his head down in my shirt and dug them dad gum spurs in the front but this time his head got caught in my shirt so he couldn’t get loose so he really dug them spurs in. By this time I got plumb scared and screamed for George. He came out and saw was what was going on and tried to call him off but because his head was stuck he couldn’t get out so he just kept spurring and spurring and the whole time gobbling like a fiend from Hades. George panicked and picked up a piece of firewood to knock him off but missed and broke my elbow. I scream, George swings again and hits TD but he only digs in deeper. Finally George hit him in the head so hard he lost his grip and let loose and while he was staggering in the yard I took the axe and sent him to turkey heaven and me with only one arm. George drove me to the hospital and here I am. The only thing I can tell you for sure is that there is a certain turkey settin’ in a freezer and when I get out I’m going to George’s house and watch the Denver Broncos and every time they score a touchdown I’ll have a little taste of TD myself. You ever heard of the sweet taste of victory?”
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