Luther's Chicken

By Dave P. Fisher

Luther and the boys were loafin’ on the porch of Harvey’s feed and seed,
Discussin’ the weather and politics, and bragging on their every deed.
Luther and Evert was in a checker game when old Evert made a face,
And scolded the boys for lyin’ and braggin’, and called it a plum disgrace."

Now, old Evert could tell some mighty tall tales and flat out windies to boot,
But he’d get mad when others told ‘em, so the boys liked to irritate the old coot.
He scowled at a red checker, “I hate it when you boys do that, oh it really gripes,”
Then calm as you please Luther says, “I once had a chicken what played the bagpipes.”  

Old Evert jumped up and waved his arms, “Now all of you’ve lost your grips,
You never had no such thing, a chicken can’t play bagpipes, chickens ain’t got no lips.”
So, Luther he leans back in his chair as the boys come a-gatherin’ about,
“I know it’s hard to believe, but every word is true, so Ev just hear me out.
The first time I ever saw her blow that thing she tried a little too hard,
And shot an egg out like a bullet and it went clean across the yard.
Well, that torpedo egg smacked my old cowdog right up aside his head,
Laid him out cold for three good hours, why, I thought old Blue was dead.”

“So, I went to studying on that chicken, now that was a pretty amazin’ thing,
A chicken with her very own bagpipes tucked up underneath her wing.
So, I fetched her on up to the house, and I surely loved to hear her play,
And I’d fair go to cryin’ when she’d play sweet Annie Laurie that way.
Soon she was playin’ at weddin’s, and for funerals she was tailor made,
She held concerts in the park, and even rode in the Fourth of July parade.
Then it all ended one day in a tragedy, unlike anything you’ve ever heard,
And to this day I still shed a tear when I think of my little bagpipe playin’ bird.

She was invited to play at the big social; you know the church’s supper ta-doo,
And them folks was pretty excited to see her, a bagpipe playin’ chicken was new.
It was purely by accident, no malice intended, that led to her demise,
She was never meant to end up on a plate surrounded by salad and fries.
But, old Thelma Jenkins was helping out and she finds it a little hard to hear,
She’s a good soul, but when you talk to her, you gotta make it loud and clear.
It seems someone from the supper told Thelma to put the chicken on the stage,
And bein’ hard of hearin’, well, she thought they told her to cook the chicken with sage.